Submissive Urination in Goldens: 7 Confidence Games That Actually Stop the Pee

Why Your Golden Pee When Excited or Scared: Submissive Urination Solutions

Submissive urination in goldens is not a potty-training failure or a dominance issue. It's an involuntary fear response controlled by the autonomic nervous system. The fastest way to reduce it is to stop greeting your dog in ways that trigger it—no looming, no direct eye contact, no reaching over the head—and replace those moments with low-pressure confidence games that give your dog a sense of control. Games like ItsYerChoice, hand targeting, and the Bucket Game work because they let your golden make choices and earn rewards without feeling cornered.

I learned this the hard way.

Table of Contents

• The Night I Realized I Was Making It Worse
• Why Goldens Are So Prone to Submissive Urination
• What Submissive Urination Actually Looks Like
• The Mindset Shift: Stop Greeting Your Dog Like a Human
• Game 1: ItsYerChoice
• Game 2: Hand Targeting
• Game 3: The Bucket Game
• Game 4: Find It
• Game 5: The Treat Toss
• Game 6: Hide and Seek
• Game 7: The "Middle" Game
• Troubleshooting
• The Secondary Problem: When Dogs Pee on Each Other
• The Spiritual Meaning
• Frequently Asked Questions
• Your 7-Day Confidence Game Plan

The Night I Realized I Was Making It Worse

My golden, Sadie, was about seven months old when I finally admitted I had a problem. Every time I came home, she'd wag her whole body, drop into a crouch, and leave a small puddle on the entryway tile. Every. Single. Time.

I did what most owners do. I knelt down, pet her, said "It's okay, girl, it's okay," and cleaned it up. I figured she'd grow out of it.

She didn't.

It got worse when my brother visited. He's a big guy—six-four, deep voice, the kind of person who fills a room without trying. Sadie took one look at him, rolled onto her back, and peed on his shoe. He laughed it off, but I could feel my face burning. I remember standing in the kitchen afterward, staring at the paper towel in my hand, thinking, Why is she doing this? We've never hit her. We've never yelled. What am I doing wrong?

That's the thing about submissive urination. It makes you feel like a failure. You start wondering if your dog is afraid of you. You start avoiding greetings entirely. Some owners get so frustrated they scold the dog—which is the single worst thing you can do.

I didn't scold. But I did something almost as bad: I stopped greeting her. I'd walk in, ignore her, put my bag down, and wait for the puddle. I thought I was being calm. I was actually teaching her that greetings were something to endure.

The turning point came when a trainer friend watched me come home. She said, "You're not the problem. Your approach is the problem." Then she showed me something that sounded ridiculous.

Why Goldens Are So Prone to Submissive Urination

Golden retrievers have a reputation for being happy-go-lucky. And most of them are. But that same eagerness to please that makes them wonderful family dogs also makes them sensitive to social pressure.

The underlying cause of submissive urination is fear. A 2025 Leerburg case study described a six-month-old golden retriever who developed submissive urination after being frightened once during potty training. Ed Frawley and Cindy from Leerburg explained that the behavior is involuntary and common in sensitive young dogs, and recommended low-pressure interactions, avoiding direct eye contact, and only engaging with the puppy outdoors to help rebuild her confidence.

One bad experience. That's all it took.

And here's the frustrating part: the more it happens, the more deep-seated it becomes. Each accident reinforces the dog's belief that greetings are dangerous. Susan Garrett, one of the world's most respected dog trainers, explains it this way: "When a puppy becomes overwhelmed by excitement or uncertainty, their body can react automatically. They aren't choosing to pee, and in many cases they don't even realize they're doing it".

The autonomic nervous system—the part of the body that controls involuntary functions like heart rate and digestion—is what's driving this. The dog literally cannot control it in the moment.

So the solution isn't to "train harder." It's to rebuild the dog's sense of safety around people. And the best way to do that is through games—specifically, games that give the dog choices.

What Submissive Urination Actually Looks Like (vs. Excitement Urination)

Before we get into the games, you need to know which problem you're actually dealing with. The fix is different for each one.

Sign	Submissive Urination	Excitement Urination
Posture	Crouching, ears back, tail tucked, rolling over	Jumping, spinning, tail wagging wildly
Trigger	Greetings, scolding, approach, direct eye contact	Greetings, playtime, high-arousal moments
Volume	Small, low leak	Larger puddle
Age pattern	Can persist into adulthood if not addressed	Usually resolves by 1 year
Body language	Flattening ears, avoiding eye contact, lowering head	Active, excited, no submissive signals
Your reaction	Scolding makes it much worse	Ignoring until calm helps

Source: UC Davis Veterinary Medicine and AKC

If your golden cowers and leaks when your husband walks in the room but bounces off the walls when you grab the leash, you're dealing with both. That's normal. But the games below target the submissive side, which is the one that usually needs the most work.

The Mindset Shift: Stop Greeting Your Dog Like a Human

Here's the part that took me months to accept.

When you come home and immediately bend down to pet your dog, you are—from your dog's perspective—looming. You're bigger. You're making direct eye contact. You're reaching over their head. Every one of those things is a mild social pressure for a dog. According to the San Francisco SPCA, direct eye contact is a threatening or aggressive body posture to dogs, and hovering over them can trigger submissive urination.

I'm not saying you should ignore your dog forever. I'm saying you need to change the sequence.

Instead of: enter → greet → dog pees → you feel bad

Try: enter → ignore → dog settles → you invite → dog earns → you reward

That sequence change is the foundation of every confidence game below.

Game 1: ItsYerChoice (The Game That Started Everything for Us)

Susan Garrett's ItsYerChoice is the single most useful game I've ever taught a submissive dog. It's simple: you hold a treat in your closed hand. The dog can sniff, paw, lick—but the hand doesn't open. The moment the dog backs off or looks away, the hand opens and they get the treat.

That's it.

Why does it work for submissive urination? Because it teaches the dog that backing away is safe. Most submissive dogs are terrified of making the wrong move. They freeze because they don't know what you want. ItsYerChoice flips that: the dog learns that choosing to disengage is actually the way to earn the reward. As Susan Garrett puts it, these games "teach puppies that they can make good decisions and succeed in the world around them".

I started with Sadie in the kitchen, just me and a handful of kibble. First session, she didn't get it. She stared at my hand for a full minute, then walked away. I opened my hand, but she wasn't interested. I thought I'd broken her.

Second session, same thing. Third session, she looked at my hand, looked away, and I opened my hand. She came back and took the treat. Fourth session, she looked away on purpose. She was starting to understand.

By the end of the week, I could hold a treat in my open palm, and she'd wait for my cue before taking it. That's impulse control. But more importantly, that's confidence. She was making a choice, and it was working.

How to play it with a submissive golden:

1. Sit on the floor. Hold a treat in your closed fist.
2. Let your dog sniff and investigate. Don't say anything.
3. The second your dog backs off or looks away, open your hand.
4. Let them take the treat. No praise, no excitement.
5. Repeat five times. End the session.

That's it. Two minutes. Do it three times a day.

Game 2: Hand Targeting (The Confidence Builder You Can Do Anywhere)

Hand targeting is stupidly simple. You hold your hand out, palm flat. When your dog touches their nose to your palm, you mark it ("Yes!") and give a treat. That's the whole game.

But here's why it matters for submissive urination: it gives your dog a job during greetings. Instead of standing there feeling pressured, they have something to do.

The Calgary Humane Society recommends giving dogs an alternative to behaving submissively—for example, having them sit or shake as you approach, and rewarding them for obeying. Hand targeting is that alternative.

I taught Sadie to target my hand before I'd pet her. When I came home, I'd stand in the entryway, hold out my hand, and wait. Sadie would trot over, touch her nose to my palm, and get a treat. Then I'd pet her—under the chin, never on top of the head.

The first week, she still peed. But it was less. The second week, she started targeting before I even held my hand out. The third week, the puddles stopped.

How to teach hand targeting:

1. Hold your hand out, palm flat, about six inches from your dog's nose.
2. Wait. Don't say anything. Most dogs will eventually sniff your hand out of curiosity.
3. The instant their nose touches your palm, say "Yes!" and give a treat.
4. Repeat ten times. Add the cue "Touch" once they're consistently touching.
5. Practice in different rooms, then outside, then near the front door.

The goal is for your dog to associate the sight of your hand with earning something, not being grabbed. That reframe alone changes everything.

Game 3: The Bucket Game (For Goldens Who Shut Down)

The Bucket Game was designed by Chirag Patel for veterinary handling, but it works beautifully for submissive dogs. Here's the setup: you put treats in a bucket. Your dog looks at the bucket—click, treat. You move your hand toward your dog—they keep looking at the bucket, click, treat. They look away—you stop.

The dog controls the pace. Always.

This is huge for goldens who freeze during greetings. A frozen dog isn't relaxed—they're shut down. The Bucket Game gives them an active choice: "I can keep watching the bucket, and good things happen. Or I can look away, and everything stops." That's agency.

I used this with Sadie when my brother visited again. Instead of making him greet her, I had him sit on the couch with a bucket of treats. Sadie could look at the bucket, get a treat, or look away, and he'd stop. Within ten minutes, she was choosing to stay near him. By the end of the visit, she was resting at his feet.

How to play:

1. Put 20–30 small treats in a bucket. Place a mat on the floor.
2. Hold the bucket to your side. When your dog looks at it, say "Yes" and give a treat from the bucket.
3. If they lunge or paw at the bucket, pick it up and wait for them to settle.
4. Once they're reliably looking at the bucket, start moving your hand toward them. If they keep looking at the bucket, reward. If they look away, stop.
5. Progress to gentle touches—chin scratch, shoulder pat—always letting the dog choose to stay engaged.

Game 4: Find It (The Nervous System Reset)

"Find It" is exactly what it sounds like: you toss a treat, say "Find it," and your dog sniffs it out. That's the whole game.

But for a submissive dog, the magic is in the sniffing. When a dog puts their nose to the ground and searches, their nervous system shifts. The scanning, the scent work, the problem-solving—it pulls them out of the anxious "what's going to happen to me?" headspace and into the present moment.

I started using Find It when guests arrived. Instead of letting Sadie mob the door, I'd toss a handful of treats into the corner and say "Find it." She'd spend the next minute sniffing around the kitchen while my guest sat down. By the time she was done, the greeting pressure was gone.

How to play it for submissive urination:

1. When someone knocks, toss treats into a corner away from the door.
2. Say "Find it" in a calm, happy voice.
3. Let your dog search. Don't rush them.
4. Once they've found the treats and the guest is seated, you can allow a calm greeting—on your dog's terms.

This works because it breaks the trigger chain. The doorbell used to mean STRESS. Now it means treats in the corner. That's a new association.

Game 5: The Treat Toss (For the Dog Who Pees on One Specific Person)

Some submissive dogs are fine with everyone except that one person. Maybe it's a tall man. Maybe it's someone who smells like a dog they fear. Maybe it's someone who once yelled.

The treat toss is the simplest fix I know. When that person enters, they don't look at the dog. They don't talk to the dog. They just quietly toss a high-value treat in the dog's general direction, then go sit down. According to veterinary behavior resources, this kind of "treat and retreat" approach helps build positive associations without pressure.

That's it. No greeting. No pressure. Just treats falling from the sky whenever that person is around.

I used this with Sadie and my brother. For three visits, he didn't pet her once. He just tossed bits of cheese whenever he walked past. By the fourth visit, Sadie was following him around the house.

The rule: The scary person becomes the treat dispenser. They don't ask for interaction. They don't reach. They just give. The dog's brain does the rest.

Game 6: Hide and Seek (Building Bravery Through Exploration)

Hide and seek sounds like a kids' game, but for a submissive golden, it's a confidence course. You hide somewhere in the house—behind a door, around a corner—and call your dog. They have to find you. When they do, big reward.

Why it works: the dog is actively solving a problem. They're using their nose, their ears, their brain. And the reward is you. That's a powerful reframe for a dog who's learned to be wary of people.

Start easy. Hide behind a door they can see you slip behind. Gradually make it harder. Every "find" builds a tiny bit of belief that the world is predictable and good things happen when you explore it.

I still play this with Sadie. She's eight now. She still gets the zoomies when she finds me.

Game 7: The "Middle" Game (A Portable Safe Zone)

This one's less a game and more a mobile confidence tool. You teach your dog to come between your legs and stand or sit there. It becomes their safe spot—a place where nothing scary can reach them.

For submissive urination, the Middle Game is useful during greetings. When someone comes over, you stand up, cue "Middle," and your dog tucks between your legs. You can then greet your guest calmly while your dog watches from a position of safety.

The pressure is off. They're not the center of attention. They're just observing. And after a few minutes of observing from the middle, many dogs choose to step out and investigate on their own.

How to teach it:

1. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart.
2. Lure your dog between your legs with a treat.
3. Reward them heavily when they're in position. Say "Middle" as they enter.
4. Practice in the kitchen, the living room, the backyard.
5. Then use it during greetings.

Troubleshooting: When the Games Aren't Working

"My dog pees during the games."

This is normal at first. The games are new, and new things are scary. Keep sessions short—60 to 90 seconds. If your dog pees, clean it up without a word and end the session on a neutral note. Don't comfort, don't scold. Just reset.

"My dog won't take treats when guests are over."

That means the stress is too high. Move further away from the trigger. Play the games in a different room. Use higher-value treats—cheese, chicken, freeze-dried liver. If they still won't eat, the session is over. You pushed too fast.

"I've been doing this for two weeks and nothing's changed."

Two weeks is nothing. Submissive urination is a habit built over months. Give it six to eight weeks of consistent daily practice before you judge the results. And remember: some dogs need veterinary intervention if there's an underlying medical issue like a urinary tract infection or ectopic ureter.

"It only happens with my husband."

Then your husband does the treat toss. Not you. He doesn't greet, doesn't pet, doesn't make eye contact. He just tosses treats whenever he's in the room. If he can't commit to that for two weeks, the problem will persist. Leerburg's Cindy recommends that the husband "ignore her and only interact with her outside. Even when he does interact, no direct eye contact, no bending over her, no petting".

"What if medication is needed?"

If behavioral modification isn't enough after 8–12 weeks, talk to your vet about medication. Veterinary behaviorists sometimes prescribe imipramine, fluoxetine, or clomipramine to lower anxiety levels and help the training take hold. Medication isn't a failure—it's a tool.

The Secondary Problem: When Dogs Pee on Each Other

You asked about this, and it's worth addressing because it's different from submissive urination.

When one dog pees on top of another dog's urine—or on the dog itself—that's usually urine marking, not submissive urination. It's a communication behavior. Dogs leave "pee mail" for each other, and over-marking is a way of saying I was here too or I'm covering your scent.

Research shows that both male and female dogs over-mark, though intact males are more likely to over-mark female urine. High-status dogs—male or female—are more likely to over-mark.

If your male dog pees on your female dog's pee, he's likely communicating. If your female dog pees on top of your other female's pee, same thing. It's normal canine social behavior, and it usually doesn't require intervention unless it's happening indoors.

The one exception: if a dog is peeing on another dog during play or greetings, that can be an arousal issue or a medical issue. Get a vet check if it's sudden.

The Spiritual Meaning (Because You Asked)

I'm not a spiritual teacher, and I don't usually write about this stuff. But I know people search for it, so here's the honest answer.

In Vedic omen traditions recorded in the Brihat Samhita, if a dog urinates on a man, it indicates success or the fulfillment of an undertaking. In some Chinese folk traditions, dog urine is seen as a cleansing agent, and a dog urinating on you is interpreted as a sign of incoming fortune. Mesopotamian texts from around 650 BCE took a different view—a dog urinating too close was seen as a divine message of doom.

So depending on who you ask, it's either a blessing or a curse.

I'm not going to tell you whether any of that is true. What I will tell you is this: your dog isn't peeing on you because they disrespect you or because the universe is sending you a message. They're peeing because their nervous system is overwhelmed. The spiritual meaning, if there is one, is probably just this: Pay attention. Your dog needs help.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why does my dog only pee when she sees a certain person?

Because that person triggers something specific—a memory, a scent, a body type. A dog who was yelled at by a tall man might generalize that fear to all tall men. A dog who was startled by a loud voice might pee whenever someone speaks in that register. The treat toss is the fastest fix: that person becomes the treat dispenser, and the association slowly flips.

Is submissive urination a sign of disrespect?

No. It's a sign of appeasement. Your dog is saying "I acknowledge you" in the only way they know how. Scolding them for it is like yelling at someone for blushing. The AKC explicitly states that this is "a normal canine communications behavior" and that punishment "will make him more anxious and worried and will exacerbate the problem".

Will my golden grow out of it?

Many do. Puppies often outgrow submissive urination as their bladder control and confidence develop. But if it's reinforced by scary greetings or scolding, it can become a lifelong habit.

Should I use pee pads while we work on this?

No. Pee pads teach the dog that peeing indoors is acceptable. Instead, manage the environment—greet outside, keep greetings calm, and clean up accidents without drama.

Can I still pet my dog when I come home?

Yes, but change the order. Come in, ignore for 30 seconds, then invite your dog to target your hand or sit. Reward the sit, then pet under the chin. Never reach over the head. The Calgary Humane Society specifically recommends petting under the chin rather than on top of the head.

What if my dog pees during training sessions?

Keep sessions shorter. Use higher-value treats. If your dog is peeing during a game, the game is too hard or the environment is too stressful. Back up and make it easier.

Is it true that female dogs pee on top of other female dogs' pee?

Yes. Females over-mark too. It's not just a male behavior. It's a social communication thing.

When should I see a vet?

If the urination is new, sudden, or accompanied by straining, frequent attempts, or changes in thirst, see a vet. Rule out medical causes before assuming it's behavioral. The AKC recommends a health check first: "take your pup or dog in to the veterinarian to rule out any medical condition that may be causing the issue".

Can submissive urination be cured completely?

For most dogs, yes—with consistent, low-pressure training. A 2003 clinical case study followed a dog with submissive and excitement urination who was treated with behavioral modification including ignorance and counterconditioning. After four months, the behavior resolved completely to the owner's satisfaction. It takes time, but it works.

Your 7-Day Confidence Game Plan

Here's what I'd do if I were starting over with Sadie today:

Day 1–2: ItsYerChoice, three 2-minute sessions per day.

Day 3–4: Add hand targeting. Practice in the kitchen. No greetings yet.

Day 5: Introduce Find It. Toss treats and say "Find it" five times in a row.

Day 6: Practice the Middle Game. Just in the living room. No guests.

Day 7: Have one person come over. They don't greet the dog. They sit down and toss treats. You play Find It when they knock.

Repeat this cycle for four to six weeks. Keep sessions short. End every session on a win. Never scold for an accident.

And the next time your golden pees when someone walks in? Clean it up, take a breath, and remember: you're not training a disobedient dog. You're rebuilding a nervous system. It takes time. But it works.